i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
