had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
a search helicopter?!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude. I can hear the air.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize