she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
