Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
