Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
