There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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