His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
