i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
