sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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