absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
