you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
