If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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