I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
