To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
