only if we run a train.
done.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
