wake up i wanna do it froggy style
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
