you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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