Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
