I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
