Where is the hickey?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
