her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
