she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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