No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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