she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
