I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
where are you?
Hypothermia
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
