My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
