possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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