I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
