Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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