my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
