Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
