It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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