He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
