Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
