I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
