she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
