Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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