what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
