I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
