my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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