I puked a lego.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
