Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
