He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
