Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How does one acquire holy water?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
