Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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