Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
