They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
