i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
