I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
