I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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