Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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