and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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