im about as happy as oj after his trial
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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