I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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