Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
