hotel room ftw
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
