i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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