piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
