she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
we should paint friendship bongs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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