My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
