I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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