I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize