he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
