yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
