if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
