Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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