I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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