I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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